Friday, August 19, 2011

Killer Nashville - 1

Leaving the workplace at a relatively young age, I soon learned what to do with free time.  Yes, free time can lead to many varying results -- some good, some not so good.  Remember when your mom or grandmother would tell you idle time is the devil's time or something like that?  It sure doesn't have to be.  Many people use free time to do rather good things, constructive efforts, positive endeavors for themselves or others.  Of course, I was not one of those.  Well, at least not until my later years.

At first I did many good deeds, but I found myself working harder than having a job.  What did all this great humanitarian work get me? Two heart attacks!  So my perspective on free time changed.  Deciding disposable hours for rest and relaxation is better than pushing the nose to the ole grindstone, life got easier.  Now I look at free time as an opportunity for making choices like, "Should I get up or roll over?"  Serious business!

So here I am lollygagging along in life choosing R and R over "plan your work" and "work your plan," but then bursts in Gal Friday.  She too is retired, but hasn't caught on to the R and R concept.  She's still in the "plan your work, work your plan" mode.  Now don't get me wrong, I'm all for whatever she wants to do - as long as it doesn't affect me.

Yesterday or last month, I'm not sure which, with hands on hips and one foot scuffing the rug like a bull ready to charge, she yells,  "The Killer Nashville writer's conference is almost upon us; this is a tremendous opportunity for you to pitch your novel to some agents.  Are you prepared?"  Well, I figured I definitely was prepared; I mean I wrote the damn novel.  I glibly answered "sure" as I rolled over for the remainder of my nap.  WRONG!!!!

She started with, "What's your tag line?"  Tag line, I had no idea what she meant.  The last time I played tag was in second grade and the teacher made me stop cause I was only tagging girls and in improper places.

"What's your follow-up, three-minute pitch?"  Three-minute pitch sounded like my fast ball in Little League.

"Who have you selected for your breakout sessions?"  Break out?  Does this have anything to do with acne or dancing?

"Which agents have you chosen for your pitch sessions?"  What bitch session?

"Have you researched the agents?  Have your read their blogs?  Do you know the novelists they represent?  Do you even know the genres they acquire?"  She didn't stop there; oh no, questions flew at me like arrows from Robin and his Merry Men.  My astute literary answer, "HUH?"

Here I am, back in the plan your work, etc. life.  I miss my naps.

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